Duck Faces

This blog is about duck faces (obviously.) In 2008-2009, duck faces were really cool and then, they all just got really annoying. 


Now, in 2012, people like to make fun of them by posting pictures on Facebook of them DOING THE DUCK FACE. Ducks are more than likely ashamed; it's pretty pathetic. I have a frenemy, Corrin Dillon, who does it all the time. HELLO, CORRIN. DUCK FACES AREN'T COOL.


It makes you just another offender when you post a picture on Facebook of you doing the duck face. You're no better than the rest of the people who do it. It's still really annoying.

Kim Kardashian is the only people who is allowed to do the duck face. If you try to mimic her, you'll end up looking a little like....

This. You'll end up looking like an orange freak doing the duck face.






















I hope you've learned a lesson or two about the duck face. Oh, better yet, don't do the duck face in a mirror either. YOU'LL LOOK STUPID, KIDDOS. 


Some people could really learn something from this...


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Me Sowwy/Fire

Me sowwy guys :( I haven't posted in a few days and I bet you all hate me now but good news: I'm posting today! I've just been really busy with marching band and Hairspray and stuff... Plus I have to continue to have a social life.. Oh well. I hope you all understand.


I guess I can make today's post about FIRE! Fuego, feu, fire, flame.. Fire is a pretty powerful thing. It can burn houses... Sometimes, people have a fire in their eyes that everyone falls in love with.. And by people, I mean me. ;) Just kidding, I'm not that conceited.. I don't think..


Also, if it's like drought-like during the summer, you can't have a fire. Even though yesterday, everyone at band camp almost died, the fourth of July may be ruined because we've not had enough rain. I vote everyone spit on the ground and water the grass so I can have me some fireworks. If there is no fourth of July (or well, third of July...), I won't have a friendiversary with my friend... And if I don't have that... Our friendship won't really happen anymore. Well, it's not like we don't fight every 2 months anyway.


I know today's blog post isn't really the best but I didn't have a topic planned, and I knew I hadn't had a post in a while... I hope you guys aren't upset! Tomorrow I'll try to post something good so that everyone will love me again... sighs


Thanks guys! Happy blogging!


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Teeth

Because you can't watch porn until you're 21, I would like it if everyone UNDER 21 would exit.


This post is my June 27 post.


Today's blog topic is teeth. I will be taking it in two ways. The first would be the most literal way possible: the pearly whites in your mouth. The second way will be a little less literal.


Okay, so the pearly whites in your mouth are supposed to be white. Not yellow, not brown, not black or green. White. Some people forget how to make them white, though I don't know what imbecile would do that. It's called toothpaste. Use it. It'll make your breath smell minty fresh and it'll keep the nasty germs out of your mouth and you won't have nasty teeth. If you have nasty teeth, you shouldn't be smiling with your teeth. You should just smile with your lips.


There are so many things dentists can do to help your teeth. DO THEM. You shouldn't walk around with nasty teeth because I (and a lot of other people) will make fun of you. It's as simple as that.


This is the non-literal way. There is a porno out there called "Teeth," and it's about a girl who has teeth in her hoo-ha. 

 You can tell by the theatrical poster it's not a very good movie. There is lots of porn in it. DON'T WATCH IT. I'd hate to find a girl who ACTUALLY had teeth down there. I'm getting shivers thinking of it now.


A kid was touching this girl's hoo-ha and the teeth bit his finger. Gross. That's nasty.This girl shouldn't be alive. And the thing is, at the beginning of the movie she was a virgin and at the end she'd had sex with lots of people. Gross. Refer back to my slut post..


Ugh.


Remember: 

• Brush your teeth if you don't wanna be ugly.
• Teeth should be white.
• Dentists are our friends.
• Never trust a girl's hoo-ha.

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Make-Up

Hi, guys! Today's blog topic is going to be on make-up! And no, it's not a make-up tutorial. I don't specialize in that area.

K, so here are my thoughts on make-up. It's kinda like a poem I know, "Tell the Truth but Tell it Slant." The poem is basically about how you should be honest without being rudely blunt.  You should wear make-up if you're ugly (and chances say you probably are...), but you shouldn't make it make you look like a clown. You know what I mean?

Rule of Thumb: Wear make-up, but wear it slant.

Scenario 1: Sarah is on her period and she is breaking out. She knows she has to wear make-up, but she doesn't know what to do with it. What not to do: Sarah isn't going to put eye-liner and mascara on each pimple. What she will do: She will wear a subtle coat of foundation.

Scenario 2: Jessica is completely ugly. She wants to wear make-up. What not to do: Don't look like Bozo the clown. What she will do: She'll go get plastic surgery because that's what ugly people do.

Make-up can be cute if you wear it subtly and slant. Don't put it on really badly.

Also, lipstick goes with everything and makes your lips look voluptuous and sexy. So wear lipstick. :) 

Free Topic Monday #2

Woo! I've made it to my tenth blog post! *applause*


This also happens to be a Free Topic Monday! Our blog topic today was submitted by my reader Madison Mahoney.


Plastic Surgery
My thoughts on plastic surgery are sort of contradicting. I mean, I guess it's okay if you're that ugly and almost not even bearable to look at.


My rule of thumb on plastic surgery is this: If your breath smells toxic and you want to be elastic, you should get surgery that is plastic.


These are the plastic surgeries I will ALWAYS approve:

• Rhinoplasty-- This is a nose job. I love women with big noses. So if you get a nose job, make it a huge nose!
• I approve of making your lips bigger! There is nothing better than a woman with big lips! Nom nom nom!

I disprove of these plastic surgeries:

• Don't ever get a boob job. That's wrong. If you don't like your boobies, then just stuff your bra.
• Don't enlarge your private part, guys! It's pretty obvious when you do and I don't believe women like when your wah-who is fake..

However, plastic surgery is sort of bad because God gave you your body for a reason.. Maybe he wants you to be ugly so more people could look at me. It's simple!

People that have too much plastic surgery:

• Miley Cyrus. She has plastic surgery on her nose. She got a plastic jewel put on there or something. Gross! She should've made her nose bigger.
• Heidi Montag. Gross, woman. Just gross.

People that have plastic surgery that makes them awesome:

• Angelina Jolie. OMG her lips.
• Octomom. Thanks for not keeping your baby weirdness!

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to tweet at me for my next Free Topic Monday!

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Skin

This topic could get disgusting, and it was submitted by my reader Sarah Holt, though this isn't a Free Topic Monday.


Alright. I hate people with nasty skin. I'm sorry if this offends anyone first off. Okay, you know what lotions and moisturizers are right? Well, use them. Some people from my school, not naming names, have skin that's basically like the ashes of the cigarettes they smoke. It's nasty. Uhm, HELLO! MOISTURIZER. YOU CAN GET IT AT MOST HOTELS. YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY YOUR MARIJUANA, YOU CAN BUY LOTIONS YOU ASHY, ASHY BOY. Gosh, it's so disgusting. He thinks he's such a lady's man. Gross!


If you don't moisturize, at least do the world a favor and wear jeans every day. I mean, that's what I do to cover up my sun spots, you can do it to cover up the ashes on your legs. Disgusting little freak.


I love tan people. So please tan if you'd like my attention.


Remember:

• There is never too much lotion.
• Sun burn is attractive only if you're not ugly.

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Sluts

Due to the mature nature of this post, I'd like to ask anyone over the age of 18 to exit this blog post.


K, there's this slut (her names is Libby) at my school and she's sooo on my last nerve so I thought I'd blog about sluts. In my definition, a slut is someone dating everyone and everything, and can't decide if they like someone. I mean, it's not okay to spread your legs for everyone. It's just not. There're plenty of fish in the sea.. You don't have to give your gift to every fish.


Gosh. I mean, come on. Is it that hard to close them legs and keep your clothes on? I know some girls who, when they open their legs casually while sitting down, it'll smell. Bad. I mean, like fish. That's not a healthy smell, is it? No? Omg. Sluts sluts sluts..


Bad sign #1: She scratches her vaginal area constantly. This is just a sign of STIs and crabs. Gross!


Bad sign #2: She never talks to you. This just means she's out talking to other guys and THAT'S NOT OKAY.


Bad sign #3: You casually see her at night on street corners. This one kind of explains itself..


Bad sign #4: She has bruises. That means she's been into a bit of kink recently....


Bad sign #5: She makes animal noises. No one likes a furry...


Ugh. Stupid Libby has got me being mad at everything...


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Dream Blog #1

I've technically posted my blog for today, but I certainly couldn't wait.. Oh... My... Gosh.


The dream I had last night was horrible. It was a mixture between a Scream movie and a Child's Play movie. aslfk;djlasdkfjasdklf


I almost died. But I didn't.


See, I live in a small community like Woodsboro. The dream starts out with someone trying to kill me. I know, right? Who would wanna kill me? So, I end up getting out of this mess. However, the killer tries to kill me a bajillion times more. Instead, though, he kills other people. Okay, now I have to protect myself and I was responsible for the deaths of a lot of people...


I'm sure people at that point were thinking, "Why doesn't the kid sacrifice himself so not everyone has to die?" Well, it's because I was afraid I'd die. DUH. I thought my dream was real life. It wasn't a lucid dream. Anyway, I was scared. But I was in this cabin and the kill came back. That was when I noticed who the killers were. They were Chucky and his bride! So, I find them and I try to kill them. And I thought I had.

But I had to go to school. AND THEY TRY TO KILL ME THERE. But they kill others instead. And I can't even be alone in my dream because I knew they would kill me so I had to make conscious choices.... I hate choices.


Anyway, I end up waking up from this dream. And then I'd go to sleep and it'd just continue. I was horrified. Then I just decided I'd get up for good. I hate almost being killed.


Why do dreams have to be so realistic? It's terrible. I almost died a lot and I couldn't even be alone from all of the stupid people for two seconds.


I am never going to sleep again.


Ugh. Anyway, if Chucky tries to kill me again his head is coming off. I was polite in my dream. But not now. He ticked me off. I HATE CHUCKY. DIE DIE DIE.


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Eyelashes

Please ignore the stupid zit on my nose. It was speaking to me, and it kinda bothers me. Zits are for weirdos.. I don't often get zits, just so you know.


Needless to say, I was "bothered" while doing my video part of this vlog.


I am, indeed, ashamed of having eyelashes. It scares me every day when I look in the mirror, as does the huge zit on my nose.


Why must eyelashes be disgusting and stupid?


Thanks for watching/reading!


My McDonald's was pretty good, by the way. An ice cream cone, frozen strawberry lemonade, 5 nuggets, and some fries.


The guests in my video are:
Nicole Kuhn: She is the girl eating the American Pie.
Jesse Newton: The rude fellow who is flipping you all off.
Kenzie Kuhn: Brunette that isn't Nicole.
Madison Mahoney: Blonde, curly-headed fellow.


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90s Are All That

Hi, I was born in 1997, so I'm not a 90s kid, but I'm going to explain to you how I wish I were a 90s kid. They seemed so lucky.


As I type here at 2:31 in the morning, "Kenan & Kel" is playing on my television screen. 90s television (well at least on Nick) was phenomenal and I'm kinda disgraced to have the Nick channel we have today. They have barely ANY slime. I mean, come on, Nick. Why did you save all the good stuff for the 90s? Ugh. 20 years ago isn't that far back... Can you bring it back and play nothing but 90s television and 90s commercials? Pretty please?

Whatever. They're not going to respond to my pity plea. No one does when it comes to television, because honestly, the only time I watch TV is after midnight on TeenNick. (Yes, that's the time they play 90s Nick.)


Now, I'm going to give you my favorite three 90s TV shows ever:

• "All That!" No, I'm not talking about the early 2000s "All That!" I'm talking 1996 and so. Why was Amanda Bynes so cute? Why was Lori Beth Denberg so good at Vital Information? WHY WOULD THEY REPLACE HER? Bad choice, Nick. Bad, bad choice. I love the interracial television aspect they give, too. Kinda reminds me of 2pac, but it really doesn't. I just love my African-Americans. <3

• "Rugrats" How much more mainstream 90s Nick can you get (other than "All That!")? I mean, every 6 year old loved sitting down to watch this show in the 90s. Heck, I'm 15 and I still enjoy laying down and watching it at night. I mean, I may be delirious or something, but... Yeah. I know. I'm cray cray. I still loved "Rugrats" though. <3 Tommy.

• "Friends" And then BAM! The kid throws you a curve-ball. I'm sure you thought this would be 90s Nick because that's all I've talked about. Well, you were wrong. It's not. It's "Friends." We all knew Rachel and Ross were soul-mates, and we all cried when Rachel had her baby and Phoebe gave birth to three as part of surrogacy (These epis may've taken place in the 00s, but I still count them as 90s.) We all loved Phoebe's blunt honesty and Joey's arrogance.. But none of us loved the spin-off. None of us. Let's not speak of it...

Alright, now that we've browsed over some of the 90s TV shows, I'll get on to 90s music. I'll give you the best three songs of all-time from the 90s. (Well, in my mind.) Don't make fun of them if they're too mainstream, people!

#3: "Vogue" by Madonna We all loved Sue Sylvester's cover, but nothing beats the original which was released in 1990. "What're you lookin' at?!"

#2: "...Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears We all miss the adolescent Britney Spears, which was no longer a girl but not yet a woman. This was the pure symbol of innocence-meets-sexy-school-girl which was released in 1998.

And......

#1: "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain Yes, you're probably not surprised at all that this song ranks as #1 in my book, when it was released also in 1998. My brother told me if I ever wanted to get laid, just play this song. Not yet happened, though, but I do love the song. I can TOTALLY understand why it would get some girl's clothes off... but not really. I don't understand. It's still good though!!

Alright, that concludes my longest and awesomest blog post on the 90s. Please, please, if you'd like, you can...

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I'm out!

"Believe" Review

Recently, Justin Bieber released his new album "Believe." I figured since this was such a huge topic, I'd blog on it.

Okay, here's the overall rating: Four Stars


Overall, his new album was pretty good. It wasn't NEAR as annoying as his first couple albums. However, I feel that the songs sounded really similar. His voice in this album sounds really whisper-y, but it fits in a few songs. Here a few comments on some of the songs:

• Die in Your Arms- This almost sounded like a guy gospel choir at the beginning. I really liked it. Also, I love the snapping. It gives it that gospel sound. This is probably one of my favorites.
• Beauty and a Beat- This is really one of my least favorite songs because of Nicki Minaj's feel, and I've never really thought of Justin Bieber as hip-hop rap. It was kind of annoying at the beginning. It was good except for the Nicki Minaj. She's too... I think you understand.
• Maria- HA! Way to go, Justin! This is one of my favorite songs. He definitely pulled a Taylor Swift. LOVED IT. Maria.. Just don't do it again, love.
• Boyfriend- Even though this is the most mainstream song, it's still a really great tune. I loved it.
• All Around the World- Loved this one. Ludacris added a really great sound to it. I absolutely loved this one. I love the more hip-hop and it just made me happy. Nice one!

Kyle's Favorite Song: Tie between "Maria" and "Die in Your Arms."

Kyle's Least Favorite Song: "Beauty and a Beat"

I'm not a complete Belieber, and I've never really considered myself a fan, even; but "Believe" is my favorite album of Justin's. Though it's not my choice music, he did really well on this album. Congrats, Justin, for making it to #1 in 26 countries for this album.


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Over the Top on June 19

Yesterday, June 18, was honestly a really good day. I realized that it's always okay to be over the top... unless you're at a funeral. In other words, don't go to funerals. If you go to a funeral, you won't be able to be over the top. However, I know my funeral will be over the top... because when am I not over the top? ;)


A friend of mine has read/is reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" and I just happened to get a sneak preview of it yesterday. WEOW. Erotic novels are completely creepy. Don't read them. Especially if you're under 12 or over 65. Because that's nasty. I don't know any 65 year olds who read erotic novels, and if I did, I'm be completely and utterly spooked.

It really does sound like the TV behind me, that's playing Mickey Mouse Club House, keeps saying hookah. Not appropriate. Yet another case of TV encouraging our young ones to make certain choices... *tisk tisk*

Remember:

• It's always okay to be over the top.
• Don't watch TV or else you'll be hypnotized and brain washed and all kinds of other junk.
• Erotic novels are NEVER OKAY.

Have a great day! Au revoir, mes amis!

Free Topic Monday 1

From now on, comment on my Free Topic Monday posts of what you'd like me to blog about on Mondays. I mean, Mondays are boring and you've gotta like... spice 'em up. So.... Enjoy.


This week's topic was submitted by my reader Tess Howdieshell.


Periods
Due to the sexual nature of periods, I'm going to have to ask anyone over the age of 65 to leave. I'm definitely not okay with sexually arousing a 65 year old.


Okay, now that the old kiddos are gone, I'll describe periods and my thoughts. Periods are for girls between the ages of 10-64... or somewhere around there. They're good, because they mean you're mature and can have babies most of the time. However, they're really gross. Blood comes out of the girls vajayjay. They usually have to wear a pad or a tampon to stop the blood from leaking. They usually last a week, too. You shouldn't be having sex while you're on your period, and if you're marry you shouldn't have your period because you should be constantly pregnant. If you do have sex on your period, though, it has to be in the shower or you'll turn the guy you're having sex with off. And that leads to break ups and deaths.


There's also a different kind of period which is a punctuation mark. It's my least favorite. I don't want to pick on it but it's just so boring. Exclamation marks are better. Kthanxbye.

On June 18....

First blog post and... we're off!


Okay, first and foremost, I adore whoever is reading this because it means I have a little, at least a LITTLE, street cred.


I guess since that awkward greeting is out of the way, it's time to get to some of the juicy stuff. I'm not exactly a blogger; and honestly, I don't know how to blog. I'm just going to type away and away... and hopefully, I won't bore you to death along the way.


Like most teenagers, I look forward to summer and its vacation. This year, however, it seems like I get no summer vacation! I mean, I understand that the real world gets no vacation, or at least a little, blah blah, but I mean, it's the summer before my junior year and my schedule is nearly completely packed. I'm finishing up my Driver's Education; however, I've not even started marching band, and we've basically just begun with "Hairspray" rehearsals. Due to the lack of time during the day, I do my things in the nighttime... Hence why I'm up at 4 in the morning blogging to you fine people.


Reminders: 

• Never get on Omegle. I saw a guy hang himself. It's scary.
• Always remember that if you don't have a camera, you have a mind. And hopefully you'll remember what you're living.
• There's no better time than the present.
• Like a parent, you should love life even when it angers you and gets annoying.

Lots of love (well, maybe..) and I'll be blogging soon! Happy blogging, yo!